Making Lemons

(from the Book of Odd Issue #2)

As the warheads arced closer, Fred tapped a few keys at his fire-control computer’s keyboard.

[Dice rolling…natural 3]

Beams of light lanced out and destroyed all the warheads in time…check…nope, missed one..?

Ah yes, the joys of technology. Despite the most skilled and lucky of users, sometimes it just doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. And so, I present two tables, somewhat reminiscent of those in GURPS: Vehicles.

The Minor Device Problem Table

This is the table of choice for when the characters purchase a fairly new development in technology (this can be considered to include new operating systems for computers), or an example of one with a price that seems a touch on the ludicrous. These bugs (except, perhaps for the very last one) aren’t terribly dangerous, just annoying. Also, it might be interesting to roll on this table when the device takes damage, even if it is repaired; until the double-digit TLs at least it’s difficult to patch things together better than new without major replacement of parts.

Roll

Effect

3

Please repair me: The item’s case doesn’t want to stay closed, e.g. a character’s chemscanner has an annoying tendency for the bottom panel to fall out, pulling part of the electronics with it and resulting in something resembling a spaghetti dinner as the electronics are all that holds it together.

4

And you thought the video arcades were bad: The device makes LOTS of noise. If the device normally does not modify its user’s Hearing rolls negatively, subtract one from them while they are in use. If the device normally does, add half again to the penalty (round up).

5-6

You talkin' to me?: The device’s controls tend to jam a bit, and sometimes it will take more effort than usual to turn on, or to get the button to work. Mind you, it can be operated flawlessly if the characters know EXACTLY how to press it, but if they’re in a hurry or simply not careful, they’ll have to push the button again.

7-9

The Pentium Flaw (minor): There’s one itty bitty bug. Every now and then (read: GM’s whim, but not quite as bad as Unluckiness), the device gives the operator a -1 to skill; or perhaps the device simply is a little bit off. This bug in an automedic won’t kill people or even do major damage; on the other hand, a few months down the road things might not be so pretty, and there would be a scar. This is not quite as bad as what our gunner above experienced.

10

Beavis and Butthead: The device simply will not perform up to expectations, e.g., laptop’s batteries last one-fifth of the predicted battery time at best, and take 3x as long to “charge”.

11-13

The Pentium Flaw, as per 7-9.

14-15

Storm’s a-comin: When the weather changes, roll 1d6. On a three or less, that device is afflicted with either 1d6 Minor Problems or 1 Major one. It should remain constant which problems it has…unless the characters begin to catch on.

16

And you thought video arcades were bad, as per 4 above.

17

The Electronic Blanket: The device tends to heat up a bit more than standard and emit some smoke while in use. On a critically failed DX roll while handling the device, characters take one point damage to an appropriate body part. It’s also very good at convincing unfamiliar users it’s unsafe. But it isn’t, honest.

18

Unstable: The device is, quite simply, an accident waiting to happen. Every 3d6 times the device is used (roll at purchase time), roll 1d6. On a 1, roll on the Major Device Problem Table. If the use in question involved a failed roll in the device’s usage, roll on a 1 or a 2. If it was a critical failure, and the one or two is obtained, roll twice on the Major Device Problem Table!

The Major Device Problem Table

For when you care enough to give the characters the very worst, or the device is a patchwork monster of three incomplete rusted hulks…

Roll

Effects

3-4

Fire Trap: As per the Electronic Blanket, except at some point it will catch on fire. When in use, give it a Fire Modifier of 4 (in other words, if it is exposed to extreme heat or flame, it will catch fire on a four or less), and each time it’s used, on a 3 on 3d6 it will catch fire, burn the user for 1d6 damage, or both! If it ever catches fire, between 10 and 1 percent of the items cost in terms of the parts used to make it will be found in what is left.

5-6

Bedlam: While the device is in use, all standing within 2 yards suffer a 2d6 penalty to one sense roll (or IQ) due to distraction and “noise”, or 1d6 to all sense rolls.

7-8

The Pentium Flaw (major): The device is simply screwed up in one area. Write down a condition and how it screws up, e.g. the laser rangefinder will always report distances between 110-350 yards as the closer of 110 or 350, or if I feel like it 156.7834267. Automedics may be deathtraps for certain procedures.

9-11

Don’t be stressing me, man: Whenever the device is used in an emergency, on a roll of three or less on 1d6 it will refuse to work.

12-13

The Pentium Flaw (major), as per 7-8 above.

14-15

Decomposer: The device loses 1 DR and 1 PD per month until these reach zero or obvious minimums; simultaneously, the device’s functions are in a complete decline. The device will acquire odd little quirks and an annoying tendency to perform far below specifications in every area, which can be considered to be adding a Minor Problem every month, or just little things by GM opinion.

16-17

Why me?: As per the Cursed disadvantage, the GM can hose the device (and its users, relative to using it) any time it is in use.

18

Ultimatum: After a preset time period (usually months or years), the device utterly stops working, without any warning. The moment should either be extremely specific or by GM fiat. The device CANNOT be recovered at all. Nor can any data, fuel, power cells, etc.